A Story

[a_nancy]

 Let me tell you a story.

 

There is a man. He is a little old black man in a bright green hat. He holds a cane in yellow-gloved hands and his suit is purple. He looks like a man who owns a mug reading 'World's Most Embarrassing Parent.' He looks like a man who will die of a heart attack while singing karaoke just to annoy his kids. It's hard to define why, he just does.

 

At the moment, however, he is engaged in an argument with two whitebread meatheads who seem to think they know the secrets of the universe.

 

"Met Lucifer, have you?" He laughs. "Which one?"

 

"What do you mean, which one?" asks the first demon hunter.

 

"I mean, which one? Your religion may be top dog around these parts, but that just means you get more splits. You got your fallen angel, you got your red-skinned devil, you got your unjustly cast out son of God . . . I've seen more Satans than you can shake a stick at in my day." The old man tsks at them. "Now me, old Mr. Nancy, there's not too many of me. Folks don't remember the old spider-god much. But the spider-god is the story-god, with a song on his lips and joy in his heart, and for all that there are stories where he loses, where he dies--well, they're his stories. So he has to live to tell 'em, see?"

 

Demon hunter number two frowns at this, a tad confused, then shakes his head. "Interesting, but none of this explains why you've been tormenting a Mr. Edward Newhart for the last six months."

 

"Because I'm bored of being dead and he bullied my son when they were eight. Only I get to annoy Fat Charlie--well, just Charlie now I suppose."

 

(In case you were wondering, it was exactly the sort of death he looked like he would have.)

 

"Not fat anymore, is he?"

 

"Never really was. He just finally figured out how to tell the world that." Mr. Nancy grins. "Took the kid long enough. Now then, I suppose it's time to tell the world I'm back."

 

And with that he tips his lime-green hat and disappears.